A Letter for my unborn children...

Dearest children...

Mommy didnt even know how to begin..
I guess mom will start by saying..
I'm sorry..

I'm sorry that I couldnt bring you guys into the world...
I'm so sorry that I was hasty with my decisions...
I'm so sorry that I snapped with just a word from your daddy..
I'm so sorry that your daddy didnt want you..
I'm just so sorry for my weakness..
Because of me, you guys couldnt live in this world..
I'm so sorry...

Mommy regretted that mommy and daddy had to break up..
If only the situation is different, I would have brought u here with me...
but I couldnt...
I wasnt ready to have u guys by myself..
If only your daddy didnt doubt about mommy having you...
I'm really sorry that your daddy didnt believe me..
I'm sorry that daddy wasnt ready to have you guys too..
And i"m sorry that because of us not loving each other that you guys have to suffer..
I'm trully sorry..

Do you guys know that I felt so happy when i knew that you were gonna be twins..
It was mommy's dream to have twins..
I wanted to keep you guys with me..
to bring you guys into the world with me..
but i was devastated by a word from your daddy..
the word that showerd that he didnt believe me..

Mommy was so naive to believe..
to believe that your daddy was different from all the other guys..
but unfortunately mommy was wrong..
and i"m sorry my little angels..
just because of that, mommy had to abort you..
and daddy didnt even came to mommy's place after that..
he simply didnt believe it..
daddy hates mommy to the core...

After i had aborted you guys, i saw you guys all bloodied up..
Mommy nearly died from heartache..
If mommy could, mommy would have died with you guys right there and then,
but the doctors gave mommy a sedative to calm me down..
mommy felt so empty...
i could feel you inside my body but suddenly you guys were gone..
and it's all because of mommy...
but we prayed for you..
and at that time.. i had a flashed of what you guys will look like..
a small girl with a face like your daddy..
and a small boy with a face like mommy...
and right there and then, I had a name for each of you..
My little princess, u are Juliette Casey Suryana..
and my little prince, u r Andri Nicholas Suryana...
i prayed for both of you guys..

I'm so sorry my little angels..
Please wait for a while..
Mommy promise that mommy will bring you into this world soon..
When mommy is ready..
and when there's a daddy..
a daddy that wants you guys as much as mommy wants you, little angels..
Mommy promise that we'll be happy then..

For now.. just wait..
And mommy's hoping that you guys will protect mommy
until mommy can bring you guys back..
mommy is now dying from heartache from your daddy..
mommy feels that mommy wants to die..
to just be with you guys..

Please forgive your daddy for not believing...
mommy hopes that he will accept the truth..
the truth that mommy once carried 2 little angels inside my body...
Please forgive him..

I'm so sorry angels...
But mommy knows that we'll meet again soon..

Goodbye for now my two sweet little angels..
Juliette Casey Suryana and Andri Nicholas Suryana..
Mommy love you both...