Bye Bye (Mariah Carey)...

(Dedicated to a dear friend.. be strong yah..)

This is for my people who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

Novena Kepada Hati Kudus Yesus...

Novena Kepada Hati Kudus Yesus
(Novena ini dilakukan setiap hari 9x berturut-turut pada jam-jam yang sama)

Ya Yesus, Engkau berkata:
"Mintalah maka akan diberikan kepadamu;
carilah maka kamu akan mendapat;
ketuklah maka pintu akan dibukakan bagimu".
Dengan perantaraan Maria Bunda-Mu
tersuci aku memanggil Engkau,
aku mencari dan memohon kepada-Mu,
untuk mendengarkan permohonanku ini.
(Sebutkanlah karunia yang anda butuhkan)

Ya Yesus, Engkau berkata:
"Apa saja yang kau minta kepada Bapa-Ku dengan nama-Ku,
Dia akan memberikannya kepadamu",
Aku memohon dengan rendah hati dan penuh kepercayaan dari Bapa Surgawi dalam nama-Mu,
dengan perantaraan Maria Bunda-Mu tersuci,
untuk mengabulkan permohonanku ini.
(Sebutkanlah permohonan anda)

Ya Yesus, Engkau berkata:
"Langit dan bumi akan musnah,
tetapi sabdaKu tidak akan musnah",
dengan perantaraan Maria Bunda-Mu tersuci aku percaya
bahwa permohonanku akan dikabulkan.
(Sebutkanlah permohonan anda)

Yesusku, Tuhan jiwaku, Engkau berjanji bahwa
Hati Kudus-Mu akan menjadi laut kerahiman
bagi orang-orang yang berharap pada-Mu,
aku sunggu percaya bahwa Engkau
akan mengabulkan apa yang aku minta,
walaupun itu memerlukan mujizat.
Pada siapa aku akan mengetuk
kalau bukan pada Hati-Mu.
Terberkatilah mereka yang berharap pada-Mu.
Ya Yesus, aku persembahkan kepada hati-Mu.
(Penyakit ini, jiwa ini, dan permohonan ini)
Pandanglah dan buatlah yang hati-Mu kehendaki.

Ya Yesus, aku berharap pada-Mu dan percaya,
kepada-Mu aku mempersembahkan diriku,
di dalam Engkau aku merasa aman.
(1x Bapa Kami; Salam Maria; Kemuliaan)

Hati Kudus Yesus, aku berharap pada-Mu.
(Ulangi 10x dengan penuh semangat)

Ya Yesus yang baik, Engkau berkata:
"Jika Engkau hendak menyenangkan Daku,
percayalah kepada-Ku.
Jika engkar hendak lebih menyenangkan Daku,
berharaplah pada-Ku selalu".
Pada-Mu Tuhan, aku berharap,
agar aku tidak binasa selamanya.
AMIN.


Doa Kepada Hati Kudus Yesus

Ya Tuhan, aku berdoa, agar di rumahku ada damai,
ketenangan dan sejahtera di dalam naungan-Mu.
Berkatilah dan lindungilah usahaku, pekerjaanku
dan semua yang Kau serahkan kepadaku.

Usirlah nafsu dari dalam hatiku, rencana palsu dan pikiran jahat.
Tuangkanlah di dalam hatiku,
cinta kepada sesama dan anugerahkanlah
kepadaku semangat penyerahan yang teguh,
teristimewa pada saat kemalangan,
agar supaya aku bangun dari kebimbangan.

Ya Tuhan,
bimbinglah dan lindungilah hidupku dari
bahaya dan ketidak tentuan dunia.
Jangan lupa, ya Yesusku,
orang-orang yang kukasihi, baik yang
masih hidup maupun yang sudah meninggal,
yang menyebabkan kesedihan kami.
Tetapi kami dihibur oleh ketaatan mereka waktu mereka masih hidup,
sehingga Engkau tidak menyerahkan mereka kepada maut.
Kasihanilah mereka Tuhan,
dan bawalah mereka kepada kemuliaan surgawi.
AMIN.

Novena Tiga Salam Maria...

Novena 3 Salam Maria

Bunda Maria, Perawan yang berkuasa, bagimu tidak ada sesuatu yang mustahil, karena kuasa yang dianugerahkan oleh Tuhan yang Maha Kuasa kepadamu. Maka dengan sangat, aku memohon pertolonganmu dalam kesulitan ini, sebab aku yakin engkau pasti dapat menolong, meskipun dalam perkara yang sulit, yang sudah tidak ada harapannya sekalipun, engkau tetap menjadi penolong dan pengantara bagi PuteraMu.
Baik keluhuran Tuhan dan penghormatan kepadamu maupun keselamatan jiwaku akan bertambah seandainya engkau sudi mengabulkan segala permohonan ini.
Karenanya, kalau permohonanku ini benar-benar selaras dengan kehendak PuteraMu, dengan sangat aku mohon ya Bunda, sudilah meneruskan segala permoonanku ini kehadirat PuteraMu, yang pasti tak akan menolakmu. Pengharapanku yang besar ini, berdasarkan atas kuasa yang tak terbatas yang telah dianugerahkan Alla Bapa kepadamu.
Dan untuk menghormati besarnya kuasamu itu, aku berdoa bersama dengan St. Mechtildis yang kau beritahukan tentang kebaktian doa "Tiga Salam Maria", yang besar manfaatnya itu.

Salam Maria... (3x)
(sebut permohonanmu)

Perawan Suci yang disebut Tahta kebijaksanaan, karena sabda Allah tinggal padamu, engkau dianugerahi pengetahuan Ilahi yang tak terhingga oleh Puteramu, sebagai manusia yang paling sempurna untuk dapat menerimanya.
Engkau tahu, betapa besar kesulitan yang kuhadapi ini, betapa besar pengharapanku akan pertolonganmu. Dengan penuh kepercayaan akan tingginya kebijaksanaanmu, aku menyerahkan diri seutuhnya kepadamu, supaya engkau dapat mengatur dengan segala kesanggupan dan kebaikan budi, demi keluhuran Tuhan dan keselamatan jiwaku. Sudi kiranya Bunda dapat menolong dengan segala cara yang paling tepat supaya terkabul permohonanku ini.
O Maria, Bunda kebijaksanaan Ilahi, sudilah kiranya Bunda berkenan mengabulkan permohonanku yang mendesak ini. Aku mohon berdasarkan kebijaksanaan yang tiada bandingnya, yang dikaruniakan oleh PuteraMu melalui sabda Ilahi kepadamu. Bersama dengan St. Antonius dari Padua dan Santo Leonardus dari Porto Mauritio, yang rajin mewartakan tentang devosi "Tiga Salam Maria" aku berdoa untuk menghormati kebijaksanaanmu yang tiada taranya itu.

Salam Maria... (3x)
(sebut permohonanmu)

O Bunda yang baik hati dan lembut hati, Bunda kerahiman sejati yang akhir-akhir ini disebut sebagai "Bunda yang penuh belas kasih" aku datang kepadamu, memohon dengan sangat, sudilah kiranya Bunda meperlihatkan belas kasihmu kepadaku. Makin besar kepapaanku maka makin besar pula belas kasihmu kepadaku. Aku tahu bahwa aku tidak pantas mendapatkan karunia itu sebab seringkali aku menyedihkan hatimu dengan menghina PuteraMu yang kudus. Betapapun besar kesalahanku, namun aku sangat menyesal karena telah melukai Hati Kudus Yesus dan hati kudusmu.
Engkau telah memperkenalkan diri sebagai "Bunda para pendosa yang bertobat" kepada St. Brigita, maka ampunilah kiranya segala rasa kurang terima kasihku kepadamu. Ingatlah akan keluhuran PuteraMu serta kerahiman dan kebaikan hatimu yang terpancar dengan mengabulkan permohonanku ini dengan perantaraanmu. O Bunda Perawan yang penuh dengan kasih dan kebaikan, lembut hati dan manis, belum pernah ada orang yang datang padaMu dan mohon pertolonganMu Engkau biarkan begitu saja. Atas kerahiman dan kebaikanMu, aku berharap dengan sangat agar aku dianugerahi Roh Kudus.
Dan demi keluhuranmu, bersama St. Alfonsus Liguori, rasul kerahimanmu serta pengajar devosi "Tiga Salam Maria" aku berdoa untuk menghormati kerahimanmu dan kebaikanmu.

Salam Maria... (3x)
(sebut permohonanmu)


Ibu Maria

Bunda Maria, Ibuku yang baik hati, bantulah aku dalam menempuh kehidupanku ini, agar aku dapat mencapai kebahagiaanku dan cita-citaku.
Oh Bunda, bila aku ingat akan masa depan dan kesulitan-kesulitanku, aku sangat khawatir dan sedih, sering aku merasa putus asa. Bunda, tolonglah aku dalam kesulitanku ini agar aku selamat dan dapat meraih cita-citaku.
Oh Roh Kudus, terangilah akal budiku dan bimbinglah aku, ampunilah kesalahanku dan kabulkanlah doaku.
AMIN.


Jiwa Maria

Jiwa Maria, sucikanlah aku,
Hati Maria, nyalakanlah aku,
Tangan Maria, sanggalah aku,
Kaki Maria, pimpinlah aku,
Mata Maria, pandanglah aku,
Bibir Maria, berkatalah padaku,
Dukacita Maria, kuatkanlah aku,
O Maria yang manis, dengarkanlah aku
janganlah ijinkan daku terpisah darimu,
terhadap musuh-musuhku, belalah aku,
tuntunlah daku kepada Puteramu Yesus,
Semoga dengan dikau, aku dapat
mencintai dan mengasihi sesamaku,
dan memujimu untuk selama-lamanya.
AMIN.

Keterangan:

1. Sebaiknya ditambah doa "Bunda Maria, ibuku yang baik hati, jauhkanlah... (diriku/dia/kami) dari dosa berat".
2. Jika permohonan itu mengenai perkara besar dan penting, hendaknya melakukan Novena ini tiga kali berturut-turut.
3. Untuk memperbesar kemungkinan akan terkabulnya permohonan ini, misalnya dapat berjanji kepada Bunda Maria: Setiap pagi dan petang setia berdoa "Tiga Salam Maria", atau mengumumkan kalau permohonan itu telah dikabulkan sebagai tanda terima kasih dan penghormatan kepada Bunda yang tersuci.

A Letter... for him...

Today...
I kept... thinking about u..
about what we've been through..
about that day... one very memorable day...
September 20, 2008...

We met for the first time..
when i first saw u...
I didnt know how to feel..
i was scared... to fall in love again..
i didnt dare to think..
to think of my feelings for u...

we went back to my place..
i was scared..
cause u were to meet my dad..
i didnt want to introduce just any guy to him..
but i thought..
i thought..
this is it..
i believe that u'll be the one...
the one to make me believe in love again..

when we reached my place..
u asked me.. if i love u.. coz u do..
at that moment..
i didnt dare to open up my heart...
i didnt know what to say..
and so.. i said 'yes'..
but i wasnt feeling it yet..
i didnt lie... but i was still scared...

back to the hotel...
i remembered..
it was.. magical.. wonderful...
it was.. one of the most wonderful memories..
dat anyone has given me...

no words was spoken..
but i felt your love...
the way u looked at me..
the way u kissed me...
the way u hold my hand..
the way u caressed me...
it was like...
a slow-motion movie..
it was like..
time moved very slow...
it was so tender... yet so sensual...
'making love without having sex'..
dat's the words u used...
and when u whispered 'I love U' against my lips..
dat was it...
i fell for u...
i didnt know that love could feel...
that powerful...
without words...
with just ur touch...
u showed me.. love like no other has shown me...
maybe u're just a romantic person..
who showed love in that way...
maybe it wasnt something special for u...
but i thank u..
for giving me the chance to feel that kind of love...

next day...
u went back to ur hometown...
24 hours.. was not enough..
i need more time with u..
i want to feel ur love longer...

and that was the end of our story, wasnt it?...
u went back..
u became cold..
u were immersed in your work..
i didnt feel the love anymore..
i was scared... of losing u...
i became insecure...
when i told u..
u became more distant..
u were confused..
why didnt i trust u?
and at that day..
i was disappointed..
i thought u understand...
but it seems u didnt...

i thought of going there to meet u..
but u said 'no'..
and it hurt me...
i wanted to meet u..
yet u didnt want to meet me..
i was hurt..

and that day came..
the end of our relationship...
i didnt lie, yet i lied...
that day...
i didnt meet him.. no.. not him..
but i was with someone else..
someone from my past...
someone.. who.. i didnt want to know anymore...

remember Vin?
he came to my place...
with Sarah...
he came to me...
asking me to come back to him...
he begged me to take him back...
i accepted his apology...
and when he wanted to kiss me...
i thought of u...
i said 'no'...
i love u too much to let another man touch me...
but that 'no' made him go into a raging fit...
he became the wild beast he was...
luckily Sarah was there for me...

oh why did i have to lie to u...
the reason was..
i didnt want to say his name again..
i didnt want u to know that i met him...
but me doing that was wrong...

it wasnt that u didnt deserve my honesty..
it was just...
i didnt want anyone to know of what happened...
my ex, he hates Vin...
just saying Vin will send him to a rage...
calling me stupid and everything..
i didnt want it to happen with u...
i'm sorry for thinking that u're similar to my ex...
i should've trusted u more...

i tried to tell u what happened...
tried to explain...
but u didnt want to hear it anymore..
i'm sorry that i lied to u...
but u hurt me too..
ur lack of trust hurts me badly...
and u deleting our photos...
the 1 thing to remember that day by...
but u delete it...
and oh it hurts...

was i angry with u?
no.. but i'm hurt.. and disappointed...
that u didnt trust me..
i thought u're different from other guys..
it seems not..
it pains me to know that u have so little faith in me...
i thought that u're my knight in shining armour..
ready to save me from all of this...
but no..

but it's all in the past..
and as u said... past is past..
no use to discuss it anymore..

dare i hope that u'll know the truth someday?
no... i dare not...

u told me..
once u care not about someone anymore..
u'll become cold toward them..
and yes, i feel it now...

i was happy a few days after we broke up...
u were still there for me..
i didnt hope for u to take me back..
but i was happy..
that i gained a precious friend..
to help me go through..
what i'm going through now..
i thought...
that u'll always be there for me..
as a friend.. to guide me...
remember when u told me that..
"whatever happened, i'll always be there for u"
i thought that was the case..
i thought i'll always have u as a friend..
i thought u'll guide me..
and see me change...
but that wasnt the case...

i dare not hope that u'll forgive me...
i dare not hope that someday u'll come back to me as a fren..
no.. i dare not hope for anything...
it's all over..
u're really gone...

my friends keep asking me...
"Do u still want him back?"
I cant answer them..
I want u..
but i dont think i can think of u in the same way again..
as I know that u wont be able think of me in the same way either..
we've loved each other...
and disappoint each other..
deeply...

though i'm still hurt by u..
and u by me...
i know with times, it'll change...
and all that's left will be..
the sweet memories of September 20, 2008...

i didnt betray u..
i didnt deny u...
but i know u dont care about me anymore...
u might even loathe me..
thus i dont dare to hope at all...

there's nothing to remember that day by..
except the memories...
etched in my mind and heart..
i know..
sooner or later, this'll be forgotten..
has it only been a month??
it seems like forever has passed...
i couldnt even remember how u look like..
or even the feelings of love u've shown me..
with times, even this memory'll fade...

and so here i am...
writing a letter...
that will never be sent...
that will never be read... by u...
just so there's something..
to remember our story by...

Chapter 5: Melbourne...

Cathie went to Melbourne a few days before Papi.. she went with her mom and brother... and was picked up at the airport by Papi's sis.. she was excited... it was a new territory where she doesnt know anyone at all.. she couldnt wait to start her life there..

A little bit information on Cathie's choice of university... Cathie wanted to study Hospitality Management, but she wasnt allowed to do so by her Dad.. she was only allowed to think of doing and taking business course.. and so she took a business course.. She went to Monash College.. to get her Diploma.. but because she lived quite far from the campus, she didnt really have any close friends when she was studying there.. She found some friends there, but they werent close though (ceqz_mafia ^0^)... After she finished her Diploma Course, she was to get into Monash University to take her Bachelor degree (supposed to be Banking and Finance?)... Cathie felt all alone during her time in Monash.. luckily she always had Papi to come home to.. oh how she was thankful to Papi.. for loving her so much..

When she was studying in Monash University, Cathie was supposed to live alone, but she didnt like sleeping alone, so she stayed with Papi and his sis.. and it was an agony to live with them... Papi was so kind to her.. he didnt allow her to do anything.. Papi really spoiled her.. but.. it gave a different impression to Papi's family.. Papi's family saw Cathie as a girl who couldnt do anything.. a spoiled princess really.. and Cathie couldnt do anything about it.. everytime Papi's parents called, they will always ask him to break up with her.. and Cathie knew about it.. so she just kept crying, but Papi was there for her... he calmed her down.. he promised that he'll try his best to convince his parents... in the end, they allowed Papi to have a relationship with Cathie.. and they were happy.. very happy...

and it was quite a happy time for Cathie.. especially when her parents finally allowed her to take the degree that she wanted.. she quit her course at Monash U, and transferred to a college in the city.. it was called ACTH Management... it was a college for hospitality and tourism... and Cathie's sis studied there before her.. so Cathie enrolled in the hospitality management course.. and there, she met her best friend, Mel...

College time was the best time for Cathie.. she met a new bestfren who thinks like her.. they spent many hours talking to each other at night.. and at that time, she was happy... it was the life that she dreamt of... her results were excellent (mostly HDs, with 2 Ds and 1 C)... her friends understand her.. and most of all, she has a man who loves her so much... Papi loves Cathie so much that he didnt allow her to do anything... He cooked (especially during anniversaries, there'll always be a special breakfast and candle-light dinner)... he cleaned the apartment.. he did everything to make her happy.. and he gave her many gifts... he worked so Cathie had more money to shop, and he saved money for their marriage... Cathie, Papi, Mel, Saint (Mel's bf) spent quite lots of time together.. Cathie was happy...

But it all ended when Papi went back to Jakarta for good... he went back 6 months before Cathie.. the first month was still blissful.. Papi sent an anklet to Cathie.. with a romantic letter.. saying that the anklet was a symbol.. that he really wanted her to be his wife.. (there's a believe that when a man give an anklet to a woman, she'll be bound to him.. and a woman give a man a tie to bound him to her)... but the 2nd month, they didnt stay happy.. and from then on.. everything went downhill.. and Mel went back for gud too.. Papi never called or texted Cathie.. and they quarreled nearly everyday.. and it was that time that Cathie realised.. he was not the one for me.. he was not who i need... although he was the kindest man Cathie has ever known, but he wasnt what she needs... kindness was not what she needed in a relationship.. she needs attention.. and love.. but Papi's not that type of man.. and so they broke up... but Cathie knew.. when she go back to Jakarta, they'll rekindle their relationship.. she thought that.. until she met Ton..

Ton was.. well.. it was a short yet sweet fling.. they became close 3 days before Cathie went back for gud.. so it was only 3 days.. it was sweet.. but it was only a fling.. lasted for 2 weeks... but they are still fren til now.. ^^.. they realised being frens are better than being a couple...

When Cathie went back to Jakarta, Papi met her in Singapore.. but at that time, Cathie was.. her feelings had changed.. she still loves Papi, but she wasnt in love with him anymore... she tried to love him back, but it just felt different... Papi was attentive when Cathie's already back in Indo.. but her feelings had changed... Papi told her that he wanted to marry her.. but it was too late for him to do so... she loves him.. they were together for 6 years.. but they werent meant to be together... but that was not the end of their story.. he was still there for her.. when she needed him most.. until they realised.. that they couldnt go on like that forever.. and they went their separate ways....

Chapter 4: Meeting Her Prince Charming...

So now... Little Cathie was not a small girl anymore.. she's 17 yrs old now... she's no longer Little Cathie.. she's simply Cathie... and so, now the story of Cathie begins..

It all started when after she went back to her hometown after her 'O Level'.. her heart had mended and she had forgiven Ven and Jawa.. she was thinking of going to the US to further her study... but then she met her prince charming.. Let's call him Papi.. Papi was Cathie's brother's friend.. she often heard about Papi from her brother.. Papi was a quite guy.. a very nice guy...

One day, Cathie was going out with her brother and cousins to play billiard.. but then the party number was odd, so they needed to find another person to make it even.. and Cathie didnt know why, but she asked her brother to ask Papi to join them.. and so Papi joined them...

Cathie, being a friendly girl, tried to talk to Papi.. but he was a shy guy... he just smiled and kept a distance from Cathie.. and so there was nothing special during their 1st meeting..

After that, it was a long holiday (it was December)... Cathie was bored sitting at home.. all her drivers had gone to their respective hometowns.. Cathie complained to her mom on how bored it was.. when suddenly her mom asked her.. 'why dont you ask Papi to go out with you?'... and so that was the 1st time Cathie called her prince charming.. and off they went to watch a movie.. and then they got closer and closer since that day.. Papi called her at home.. and vice versa..

Then they met again for another date... this time it was to Dufan (an amusement park in Jakarta).. they went with Cathie's families and cousins.. two days after that, Papi went back to Singapore for his O Level..

Early morning on the day that Papi was supposed to go to Singapore, Cathie and Papi met again... this time they went to Bogor, just the two of them.. it was a wonderful journey.. at that time, Cathie felt that she could grow to love this man, but sadly, he needed to go to Singapore.. and so she didnt dare to hope.. but before Papi went away, he promised to call her..

and so he did.. he called her from Singapore... and on the 3rd of January 2001.. he asked her to become his girlfriend... and Cathie accepted him with joy... at that time, they had Long Distance relationship with Papi in Singapore and Cathie was in Jakarta.. but Cathie thought.. "i want to make this work"... so she tried to go to Singapore.. to meet him.. and she did...

and it was a memorable holiday... when Papi picked her up at the airport, he brought her a rose.. he was a romantic... and when they reached his apartment, she found out that he had prepared a special room for her .. and in the middle of the bed, there was this giant gift for her birthday.. he gave her two cute soft toys (Cathie loveeessss soft toys).. and another gift, just to say that he loved her.. a necklace with a heart pendant... it was a sweet gesture... Cathie was touched.. and she began to fall in love.. at least she thought so...

With the thought of 'and they live happily ever after' in her mind, Cathie asked Papi to go to the US together with her... with Papi still doing his 'O Level' examinations, Cathie took care of everything.. she went to an agent t get all the information they needed.. and choose the universities for them... but it wasnt meant to be.. they couldnt get into the university they chose, just because Papi used a fake certificate =p.. and in the end, they decided to go to Melbourne... and they did.. it all went smoothly...

Papi's sister was already in Melbourne that time, so she helped to take care of the things in Melbourne, such as apartment and such.. so when Cathie and Papi went to Melbourne, they already had a guide there... and so they went to Melbourne together for the next 6 years.. 6 happy years together...

Chapter 3: Singapore...

After Little Cathie finished her primary school... she was sent to Singapore by her parents to continue her study... she was left alone (her brother was with her, but they weren't close).. alone.. in a foreign country.. when she reached singapore.. she was to stay with her guardian... her guardian was a middle-age Indonesian woman, let's call her Tante, her husband, Uncle, and her 2 sons, Ger and Bert... Little Cathie was the only girl there.. she felt alone.. there was no one to talk to.. she cried and cried and cried for days, begging her parents to take her back to her home country... but her parents had faith in her..

Little Cathie studied English during her 1st six months there.. because she was alone, she tried to change.. she became more open.. she became more sociable.. she tried to enjoy her time there..

When it was time to start her new class @ her new school, she was scared.. it was all very new to her... going to school alone by bus and MRT... but then it was not at all bad.. during the 1st 2 years, she met a lovely girl, Ver.. though there were times when they lost contact, they became best friend up until now (thank u Ver) ^0^.. she felt quite happy during those times..

but it all change when she reached her 3rd year... there was no Indonesian girl in her class.. Little Cathie felt alone... and all her classmates were not friendly.. she became an outcast once again.. the only times that she felt happy was during Malay language class and during recess... but she did met 2 lovely Singaporean girls though, Yun and Fa ^^.. they became her only friends in the class... Because Little Cathie didnt like school that much, she skipped lots and lots of class.. until Tante was called by her principal (hahaha.. so sorry Tante)... Little Cathie hated Biology and A-Maths class, but she loves English, Geography and Literature classes ^^...

During her 3rd year, there were already quite a few girls in her house.. and she became best friend with a girl called Ven.. but it didnt last long.. just because of 2 guys.. *sigh*... Little Cathie became the popular girl in the house.. all of the boys like her.. she was friendly and outgoing... and she met her 1st boyfriend there... Rick was lovely... though he got his own problems too.. his father died and he became bitter.. but his mom was lovely... it was quite a challenge for Little Cathie to be in a relationship with someone who's experienced so much... Rick was quite a rebel.. didnt want to go to school.. smokes... likes to go to Batam (to gamble??)... and it was with him she experienced her first petting... hahaha.. but it didnt last long.. she was not feeling it... and so they broke up (Little Cathie was still childish >.<)... since then, Little Cathie and Ven became distant.. Ven likes Rick, and she felt that Little Cathie took him from her... but the worse was yet to come..

On her last year in Singapore, during her 'O Level'... her parents quarelled to the point of divorcing... her dad kept calling her and calling her mom names that are not fit for a daughter to hear about her mom... it affected the 3 children they have... Little Cathie's brother became a rebel.. he was once a diligent son, but at that time, he couldnt care less... he skipped school, he went to take his 'A Level' and failed.. and Little Cathie's sister became depressed to the point where she needed to be taken to a psychiatrist... Little Cathie was so stressed, it was too much for her heart.. so she tried to take her own life... but she was saved...

at that point in her life, another guy came into her life.. let's call him Jawa (hahhaha.. so sorry, but everyone called u by that name =p)... he was... her 1st love... he took her virginity.. Little Cathie was quite an innocent girl, so she didnt know what happened.. when she saw the blood, she thought she had her monthly flow... but it wasnt so.. and so she knew that she had lost something precious.. after that, she fell deeper to Jawa.. she gave her all to him.. every morning, she would wake up, took a bath, iron out Jawa's school uniform and prepared breakfast for him.. everything he asked, she would give it to him.. she thought he loved her.. but it seemed that he was just taking advantage.. The day came when Little Cathie's heart was broken.. Jawa two-timed her with Ven.. they kissed in front of her.. they did things that hurt her... and it broke her heart... she couldnt handle it... she started drinking alcohol and smoking.. when she didnt feel better, she tried to commit suicide for the second time... but luckily she was saved again.. she became a different girl.. she kept crying... but she still was able to finished up her study and then went back to her hometown... she loved Jawa so much that she allowed him to deflower her.. but looked what he did to her... Little Cathie felt that there wont be anyone who'll love her again as she wasnt perfect anymore... but her mom was there for her.. to support her... her mom even asked her if she wanted to undergo an operation to get her virginity back.. but Little Cathie said no.. she knew that it would mean that she'll be lying to her future husband, and she didnt want to do it... she tried to be brave about it, though she felt like it was the end of the world...

When she was calming down, Jawa tried to call her again and again.. and he called her using a fake name and collectcall.. so Little Cathie had to pay for the bill... everytime he called, he just asked for money.. he was quite a junkie by that time, so he got no money left.. and he told his dad that Little Cathie borrowed money.. and stupidly, Little Cathie agreed to give him money.. oh what she would do for love... luckily her mom was there for her.. and Little Cathie was forced to wake up from her dreams of Jawa loving her... and finally, she let him go.. and she led a calmer life... with her mom by her side..

and so.. when she was 16.. Little Cathie found out about love, broken heart.. about how life was not and would not be as sweet as she thought.. that there will be times when it hurt.. and she learned to live through the bad times... and she gained a new best friend, her mom.. thank u mom.. ^0^

Chapter 2: The Childhood....

In this section, we'll see what little she could remember about her childhood... up until she finished up her primary school...

As have been written before, Little Cathie did not have a very happy childhood... when she was little, she was a very quite girl.. she did not like to meet people... everytime someone came to her house, be it cousins, or her parents' friends, she quickly made her way to her bedroom and stayed there.. she had to be forced to meet people.. and everytime she was taken to her parents' stores, she would cry.. she didnt enjoy it at all... she just wanted to keep to herself.. maybe she was shy... maybe she was scared of adults... or maybe she just didnt like to meet people... either way, she mostly kept to herself...

when she was in primary school, the only good memory she has was the time when they went to the US.. her whole family.. they all looked so happy in all the pictures... even her parents looked happy together.. it might be the only happy memory she has.. it was the last time that they went away as a happy family..

at some time during her primary school life, her dad went through an operation.. there was a problem with his leg.. his leg hurt.. he was unable to walk very far... the doctor said that he suffered from spinal strain.. and so he got the operation.. but he didnt get better.. so he went to another doctor.. and this time, the doctor stated that there was an artery balooning... and they needed to replace it.. since then.. he became more bitter.. he wasnt able to walk far.. so he stayed at home most of the time.. and became grumpier... and it just gets worse from there...

during her primary school year, Little Cathie made a few friend.. she wasnt the popular girl.. and that was the 1st time she was backstabbed by her own best friend, her best friend since primary school.. but with a big heart, Little Cathies forgave her.. but they didnt talk at all after that...

From the outside, people saw that Little Cathie had a happy childhood.. she took english lessons and ballet lessons.. they went away for holidays... she was sent to Singapore for study-tour.. but she was not happy.. when she got her first 2nd rank in class, she told her parents, but they just didnt care.. and after that, Little Cathie didnt even care how good or bad she did in class.. she just needed approval from her parents, and love.. but she couldnt get it.. her parents were rarely home... they went away for holidays most of the time.. she was not close to her parents at all... and she didnt really have any friends as she was not allowed to go out at all.. she was to stay home except for her lessons...

So.. that was the childhood of Little Cathie.. happy, yet hollow without love...

Chapter 1: The Family...

In this 1st entry.. we'll be looking at Little Cathie's family.. her mom and dad.. and how Little Cathie was brought up...

This girl, let's just call her 'Little Cathie'... Little Cathie was born into a quite well-to-do family.. She still has both of her parents... She has one elder brother and one lil sis... They all live in a big house.. and they all seems happy... but in truth... it is not a happy family at all...

Little Cathie was born in 1984... at that time.. her daddy didn't want her.. when he knew that it was to be a girl, he hated her... when Little Cathie's mom delivered her into this world, her daddy wasnt there... he didnt even try to see her at the hospital... In the end, when it was time for them to go home from the hospital, he didnt even try to pick them up... He asked the driver to fetch them.. not even using the luxurious car that they had.. but using an old car... oh it was so different to the time when her brother was born.. when Little Cathie arrived home, her daddy didnt even touch her.. didnt hug her.. til some months later... but.. she was already feeling rejected by her daddy... if anyone ask her.. what childhood memories can she remember.. Little Cathie will answer that she does not remember anything.. be it good or bad memory.. it's like she didnt want to remember at all... bacause there was no happy memories...

Here's a story about her parents...
Little Cathie's dad was born to a very poor family.. he was the last child.. and his parents didnt love him at all.. he was used to be abused when he was a child.. he had a rough upbringing where he needed to fight for everything he needed.. he needed to find his own food and everything else.. he wasnt happy as a child.. and it carries through to his married life... he became a man who thought that money is everything... the only way for him to show love is through money.. and his wife and children should be thankful because he had provided them with more than what they needed... he didnt know how to show love in any other way... he became this scary dad.. he became this authority firgure... who just loves to beat his children and wife.. every word that came out of his mouth hurts the listnener... he didnt know how to say love.. he shows it in all the wrong ways... to the point that his children and wife do not listen to words he says.. as they hurt..
Now about Little Cathie's mom... she was born into a family without warmth too.. her parents are not rich.. but not poor.. she was also the last child.. til her father marry again.. and then she has a younger step-brother... contrary to Little Cathie's dad's family, her mom's family are quite successful.. most of them became rich... when Little Cathie's mom was 12 years old, her mom died, and her dad remarried.. she became an outcast.. she was not loved by her own dad.. she was taken away from her hometown... and was put into her elder sis's home.. in there, she was treated as a maid... didnt go to school.. just stayed at home and did all the household chores... and she was raped by her own brother-in-law... and when she was sixteen, her family didnt want her anymore.. she was treated as a useless thing... her dad gave her to anyone who wanted her... and that's when she met Little Cathie's dad.. he was a worker in her sis' store... and they married..

But it wasnt a happy union at all... Little Cathie's mom was not happy... at all.. she was forced into a marriage without love.. she was just given to any man who wanted her.. and thus, after she marries, she tried to find her own love.. she hoped from one man to another... and this was all that Little Cathie remembered.. all she remembered was when her dad found out that her mom slept with other guys.. all that Little Cathie remember is that they were shouting at each other.. and always talked about divoce.. she always remember hearing glasses being thrown.. or when her mom just cried and cried and cried.. and she remembers that at one point, her dad nearly killed her mom.. Little Cathie wept, just like the little girl she was...

and so, that was a little background information about Little Cathie... Little Cathie did not have a very happy childhood at all.. she was not loved... and she did not know how it felt to be loved... and this will be the one thing that really affect the way she behaves in the future... in search of that special someone.. who can love her... appreciate her... and support her... but it will be for another time...